Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
