Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
