He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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