i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
