I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So apparently I’m into choking now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
