i already hear my dad disowning me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
