I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
