Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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