the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
