I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
