I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
