your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
