Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
