wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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