i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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