could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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