I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
