Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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