I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
