Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
