the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
