cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
