I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
