Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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