Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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