Will you blow on my dice?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
