Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we should paint friendship bongs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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