giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
