The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
