i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
