They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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