i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
