To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
