You smell like a Billy Joel song
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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