I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My life is pants optional.
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