my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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