You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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