does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
