I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
