I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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