the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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