i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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