i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
