Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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