the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
