Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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