My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
