so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
