you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
