great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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