I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
