He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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