naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
